Huckleberry McFadden


“…I wouldn’t be so fuckin sure if I was you. Ya know how most Half-Orcs git their human half, eh? See ders usually some wanton floozy of a human wench wit…what color did hair did ya say yer mum had der, big boy?”

“Enough, God damn it” yelled the man in the corner. Before he could finish, the Half-Orc gave the bound Halfling another heavy fist to the ribs. His wince at the crushing blow did not dampen his cocky grin. The blood now steadily oozing from his left brow had created a shimmering mask which added to his flippant appearance. His right eye darted around the room like a bored cat looking for something more interesting than his current situation. The grin was veneered on his face, only changing with the occasional snort of his nose and subsequent spitting of a bloody mass directly at his feet. Strangely enough he never spat at his tormentors; this was not personal.

“How about we cut the bullshit for once in your worthless life, Huck? Hey, that’s ironic! Associating worth and your life. Your life is worth shit, but you being alive and paying me back, well that’s worth the wage of my good man here. Mr. Motivation we’ll call him. And now he’s going to use one of his many motivational tools.”

The man in the corner gave a dismissive hand gesture and nodded at the Half-Orc who clenched his jaw and picked up a large wood club from the ground. “Lights out, little man” the Half-Orc chuckled as he brought the club over his shoulders in a wide, two-handed arc. The Halfling did not seem interested in the club nor the Orc.

“Spill it, Huck! He’s going to take your fucking head off, you idiot” the man in the corner pleaded. Huck seemed to not hear the man’s words and continued to glance about and mutter under his breath. “Fine, you leave me no choice. Knock his head off…”

“Wait! Alright. Fuck. You’ll get the money, I promise. Dammit, I’ll swear even! On the blessed virgin of what used-to-be-his-mum-befer-dat-Orc-got-ahold-of-her, I swear I’ll pay you back” the Halfling pleaded. His eye glared at the man with pure sincerity, but the corner of his mouth slowly began to turn upwards. The room was silent except for the air whistling in and out of the Half-Orc’s flared nostrils.

“I…you…fuck me” the man sighed. The Half-Orc had his head turned towards the man eagerly awaiting a signal. “You stupid waste of a Halfling. If only you didn’t end up like your father, broke and dead in a gutter.”

The man gave a nod to the Half-Orc who snapped his eyes back onto the Halfling. The Halfling’s facial jeer met the Half-Orc’s sinister grin. The heavy club sped through the air with frightening lightness as the Half-Orc’s massive forearms jumped into action. Eyes locked, the Half-Orc had not noticed the bound wrists of the Halfling were loose. At the last moment, a small, rigid arm snapped into the path of the club, absorbing most of the impact and deflecting the momentum over and past the Halfling’s head. The Half-Orc had fully committed to the strike and his ribs were completely exposed. With his feet still bound, the Halfling could only manage enough force to break one rib and knock the wind out of the Half-Orc. Still, this bought him enough time to produce a dagger from the Half-Orc’s belt and cut himself loose.

“Nuthin personal, big fella, but your’s is a hazardous line of werk” Huck sneered at the doubled over Half-Orc. A casual kick to the back of his head left the massive figure motionless but still breathing. “Now, I tink we were onto the point of interest rates, Mister Huff.”

The human was staring at the Halfling, his mouth open. “I…we…look! If you kill me, there’ll be a dozen men hunting you down for a lot more than some gold! Trust me” the man hysterically blurted out. Huck coolly walked towards the man, tossing the dagger from hand to hand with the occasional pause to crack his neck or stretch an arm.

“Fuck me, do I looks like a brigand?! Ain’t no killin going on today, Mister Huff. I just tink we need to re-evaluate mes debt agreement since you obviously don’t trust me to pay in full. Now, I just got me a new job at dis here detective agency and dat’s a solid paycheck. You’ll be getting a good chunk of dat every time I get paid, see, minus me living expenses. Dat sound like a fair shake?”

The man’s face went from absolute terror to disbelief. He shook his head a few times and ran his hand through his hair before replying, “Sure. Fuck. Goddamit. Huck, you scare the shit out of me.”

The Halfling let out a high-pitched laugh followed by a snort and subsequent spitting of a bloody mass. “Oi, you tink I’m bad? Me mum, gods rest her soul, hit twice as hard as yer Orc buddy, and she wore rings!”

Huckleberry McFadden

The Hayes Detective Agency Froegiligr